dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
