Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
