Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
