the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
