you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
