I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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