I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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