So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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