Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
