I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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