just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
