Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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