K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are my feet made of real feet?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
