He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Another day, another engagement, another cat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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