I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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