He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
