I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
