we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
