that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
