I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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