Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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