Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
