alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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