So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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