there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you made out with another girl for some wings
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
