I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
