but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
