Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
