i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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