Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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