I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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