My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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