somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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