Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
