Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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