I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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