Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
