dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
