So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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