I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
