o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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