Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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