It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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