You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
