I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
