Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
