dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
