Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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