In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
