I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
