Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
